What’s your dream job? If at this moment, you could pack up your desk, bid your colleagues adieu, and choose any occupation in the world, what would you do? I’m sure most of you are mulling some of society’s more glamorous jobs—movie star, professional athlete, talk show host, etc. My choice, however, is a little more unique. I’d like to be the guy who writes the sayings that go inside fortune cookies.
How many times have you gone to your local Chinese restaurant and downed a plate of Kung Pao Shrimp, only to be disappointed by the banal moralism concealed in your after-dinner fortune cookie. “Great things come in small packages,” one might urge. “Hard work and perseverance will get you ahead,” another may say. Sayings like this contain some truth, I’ll admit, but I feel that the wisdom of your typical fortune cookie is so general that it’s virtually useless in everyday life. Things would change if I got the job. For example, a woman might stop by for dinner after a hard day at work and open her fortune cookie after a satisfying meal. “Your husband is cheating on you,” my fortune might say. Some teenagers might come in for dinner after an afternoon movie. One anxiously cracks open his after-dinner treat. My fortune: “they dropped the lo mein on the floor.”
Sure, my fortunes could be wrong all the time. But I’d be willing to bet they’re right more often than you think. So don’t eat the lo mein, and, keep an eye on your husband.
Maybe you should just order a pizza.
How many times have you gone to your local Chinese restaurant and downed a plate of Kung Pao Shrimp, only to be disappointed by the banal moralism concealed in your after-dinner fortune cookie. “Great things come in small packages,” one might urge. “Hard work and perseverance will get you ahead,” another may say. Sayings like this contain some truth, I’ll admit, but I feel that the wisdom of your typical fortune cookie is so general that it’s virtually useless in everyday life. Things would change if I got the job. For example, a woman might stop by for dinner after a hard day at work and open her fortune cookie after a satisfying meal. “Your husband is cheating on you,” my fortune might say. Some teenagers might come in for dinner after an afternoon movie. One anxiously cracks open his after-dinner treat. My fortune: “they dropped the lo mein on the floor.”
Sure, my fortunes could be wrong all the time. But I’d be willing to bet they’re right more often than you think. So don’t eat the lo mein, and, keep an eye on your husband.
Maybe you should just order a pizza.
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